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Type of bind: Paperback
Dewey Decimal Number: 158.2
EAN num: 9780609804148
ISBN number: 0609804146
Label: Three Rivers Press
Manufacturer: Three Rivers Press
Quantity: 1
Page Count: 304
Printing Date: April 27, 1999
Publishing house: Three Rivers Press
Release Date: April 27, 1999
Sale Popularity Level: 56474
Studio: Three Rivers Press
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Product Description:
With wisdom and humor, Thank You for Being Such a Pain offers gentle and compassionate guidance for understanding and healing relationships with difficult people. By embracing four fundamental premises and putting into practice the author's many helpful and practical suggestions, you'll acquire the skills and insights necessary for turning around even the most troublesome relationship. What you need to keep in mind is that: (1) nothing in your life happens randomly and your difficulties have a deeper purpose; (2) frustration and even emotional pain are as necessary for your personal and spiritual growth as love and joy; (3) transforming enmity and completing unfinished business may be the most important skills you can learn in life; and (4) when you make an effort to work on your inner self, your outer relationships will be transformed.
This groundbreaking book draws upon state-of-the-art psychological principles and timeless spiritual practices from all traditions. Filled with enlightening exercises and entertaining stories, Thank You for Being Such a Pain will forever change the way you see the difficult people in your life . . . as well as the way you see yourself.
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Rated by buyers 
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I read most of the very first section with gritted teeth, since it sounded to me like the author was making excuses for bad behavior and invalidating my feelings. I highlighted sentences here and there that I felt were relevant and took the rest with a large grain of salt. But after I finished reading it the very first time, was actively implementing his suggestions and seeing significant results, I started the book again and saw it in a completely different light. What formerly made me grit my teeth now made sense - it's not as much about them as it is about me and my reaction. It's also hugely about my perception.
The annoying people are still annoying and probably always will be. However, the practical suggestions in this book have helped reduce the annoying person's wear and tear on me. When I'm not all churned up over other people's behavior, I enjoy my life a lot more.
Now, I read a few pages every morning before I go to work and I'm on my fourth time through. The pages are wrinkly from highlighting and it's almost time to buy a clean copy and start over. I can't believe how different my days are and how I don't feel totally wrung out when I get home in the evening. I'm also actually starting to get along with people who used to really push my buttons.
I've purchased this book for three of my friends, who also thought it was awesome, but they'll have to write their own reviews. Thank you, Dr. Rosen!!!
Rated by buyers 
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It took me several efforts to really start digging into Thank You for Being Such a Pain. Though conversationally written, I had to adjust my scholarly mindset to be open to the author's diligent reiteration that the book is based on his own personal philosophy, which is by no means the voice of authority. Because of this, I suspect I would prefer to attend one of the author's presentations over the book alone. That said, the book is thought-provoking but requires emotional calm and maturity from the reader, and an openness to the idea that the number of difficult people in one's life might simply be all in one's head.
If you are a person in crisis, desperately searching for strategies to deal with a difficult co-worker, spouse, or friend, this might not be the very first book you want to pick up; especially if your eyeballs are spinning in their sockets. If you're ready to calmly move beyond the sense frustration that grips your waking moments and you aren't opposed to having some scripture tossed into the mix, Rosen's book might prove helpful.
Rated by buyers -
Yes challenging people create growth & opportunity for us. They may also drive us crazy or cause great suffering as well. Dr. Rosen's writing style & voice are both engaging & intelligent. It's a far more personal book than I would have at very first guessed. I love this book so much I have purchased it twice & eventually friends in need of loving guidance have absconded with those copies. It is a remarkably thoughtful & intelligent book. One which you will find yourself returning to again & again. I only wish that in the 10 years since Rosen published this that he would please write another.
Rated by buyers -
_The central idea of this book is that there is a spiritual reason that we encounter difficult people (and that they encounter us.) As the author states, we are not on this earth just to have fun- we are here to refine our character, develop our talents, and contribute our unique gifts toward the greater good. Often this means that we are provided with the ideal foe- one that pushes all of our buttons. Instead of automatically striking back, we need to try to find out why this is so. That is why this book is so useful, for it not only lists every known way of trying to deal with another person that you have a problem with, but also with how to try to understand their motives.
_Still, to his credit, the author recognizes that there are those that are so unreasonable that we will have no choice but to cut them off- and perhaps warn others. You just don't do this until you have exhausted all other options. Also, it is recognized that it is healthy and normal to have extreme emotional reactions to difficult people (how many authority figures have you encountered that considered your anger a worse sin than the offense that triggered it?)
_I've come to the conclusion that the author is correct in his views. There are no coincidences in this life- not if we are sensitive and introspective enough to recognize and interpret them. Plus, the purpose of this life is to learn and grow- and often that means the pressure of conflict. In and of itself, conflict is not good- it is the effort to understand both your motivations and that of others that is of value.
_This book isn't a cure-all for interpersonal conflicts by any means. However it is a good basis for a "reasonable man's standard" to use with dealing with others. Don't be too upset if you encounter people on which the approach simply will not work. Personally, over the years I've notice that there seem to be more and more people who simply cannot see that they are violating other's rights- or they simply do not care. Maybe that is why we are here- to be a thorn in their side....
And remember- some people are merely different, not difficult.
Rated by buyers -
I am finishing an internship position working under a supervisor whose leadership style was a mix of authoritarian/ laisse faire. Metaphorically, I was in boot camp/ either sinking or teaching myself to swim. I was weak with writing paperwork and it often resulted in my supervisor ridiculing me to the whole department. I sometimes had to stand up to the supervisor without unleashing my wrangling emotions. I had to be very clear, justify my actions and not hold resentment. In other words, discipline myself. This book gives the mentholated rub needed. It is very helpful. It is very instructional, offering lots of techniques, warmth, and beautiful insight into a painful situation. Yes it is a gem of a book. It allowed me to stay in the training and learn to be more effective and efficient. The big bonus is that I grew emotionally. I learned to sit more with difficult emotions.
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